Return to Week 2

The "stolen" letter

I shall never know what was in your note to Del. If it said, or only said, what you told me, you would have shown it to me before you sent it.
I don't believe you mean half of what you say to me. I am sure you think you do, and you are absolutely and genuinely sincere at the time, but deep down and when it is put to the test your resolution leaves.
I suspect that subconsciously you think of me as a grown-up version of Terry and better behaved, at least domestically. If that is so it is not me you want but an improved Terry. I am not that.
I think you should repair your marriage. You do not wish to lose your home (despite what you say, it is your home and where you wish to go when you are tired) or your family, including your opportunities with your grandchild.
Despite all the things that grate on you and cause you distress, you are happy a lot of the time with Terry - even it is just that you shut out the things you dislike so much about him. You enjoy quiz nights, eating out with him, your children and grandchild, two decades of shared experience and some very successful love-making. You may have outgrown him, but     
You find the prospect of being Liberal Parliamentary candidate exciting and potentially fulfilling. You have aspirations to win a seat and sit in the House of Commons. That is all worthwhile. I wanted to do that and did, so why should I do anything to deny you?
It is not only what happened last night (and what didn't happen the night before) but a whole series of incidents and exchanges which has caused me to doubt that what we may have hoped could ever really be. You are aware of most of them,
I think you should postpone your move until April 30th as originally planned. You might prefer then to wait until after the General Election so that you don't let down your supporters. Let's face it, the reality is that your PPC role would probably not survive a scandal.
If you conclude that Vignole is not on - For the present anyway - I will as promised reimburse you. That way your savings will be intact from Terry's point of view.
I now conclude You were right about my days being numbered. You will be able to work with Harris and Del after the Annual Meeting. You say you can­not manage without your Leader's allowance. Without mine I can manage no freedom for myself or us, except perhaps occasional afternoon walks. I won't even be able to afford the mobile phone or the pager. These are the realities we need to accept. I do not want to destroy my marriage or my family to move into a situation in which neither you nor I could be happy.
I have said I wouldn't ditch you. You ditched me last night. If I am not even allowed half an hour to consult with my colleagues after the most major defeat, how can I pretend I "have any authority to run the Council ? Both at a personal and political level you ditched me. Where others consoled you attacked me as "childish". I do not and will not sell out for the sake of office. Others do and will. Last night was the classic occasion when you could have demonstrated your love and loyalty. I do not complain but I do not ignore it.
I have received your "Terry on the warpath" message. What does this mean? More cover-ups? Fewer opportunities? Still greater restrictions, curfews and limitations? You jump when he pages. So be it. You should not be leaving Terry because of me. If you can tolerate him if I am not there that means you should protect all the other good parts of your life. I must not be the cause of your departure. If it doesn't stand up without me then it doesn't stand up.
The way you got on at me last night over that planning motion showed a side of you I did not like at all. It certainly indicated that you did not understand at all how deeply I feel about what I am trying to achieve as leader. With the likelihood of all that I have tried to do falling in ruins, how could a caring friend harangue over such a relatively minor matter? Anyway why consult when you can no longer deliver? - Any more than I can.
I think you are a wonderful person but I am increasingly worrying about our compatibility and the real life conflicts which affect us.
You may think I am leading to a conclusion but I don't know myself what it is. Certainly in the last week — something between us has either died or been damaged I am confused and uncertain about what is left. But it is still JTA !

JTA = Join The Administration.